Crochet and Tasteless Humour

Okay I know I said that I live in the midde of Canadian nowhere, but apparently there are nowherier places than nowhere. About a month ago Ryan got called to work out of town in a tiny little butthole town called Fort.Saint James. It's still in B.C., but it's much farther north. When he went up, I went to stay with my mom, I do better business where she lives anyways, but after a month I missed Ryan so bad I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see him, I also really needed to get laid ;) so I booked a 15 hour red eye bus up, and here and  I am in a dingey, low end motel, in a town that I'm not allowed to walk around in by myself. I'm exhausted, there was too many weirdos on the bus for me to relax, I slept only about 2 hours(with one eye opened) and once I got off the bus in prince George, Ryan picked me up, and it was another 2 hour drive to Fort.Saint James. I know it sounds awful, but tbh I've been here for two days and I'm really enjoying the alone time,

Fact 1: My husband is working out of town right now, in ft. Saint James. I thought I was gonna get to go see him this weekend but there's way too much snow to drive way up north, so I'm dickered. Fact 2: My sister is probably the most gorgeous woman I've ever met. She is a body builder, she has beautiful hair and her makeup is always different and perfect. Fact 3: I just drank a bunch of my moms secret freezer vodka and I am lit af.             Anyways I've been getting order after order for pussy hats, international women's day is in sight after all. But I've had the worst time figuring out sizes for the brims. I've frogged half of my work lately, good thing I'm patient. So I came up with a perfect brim for adult women's hats made with Bernat Chunky, or any size 6 chunky yarn. So here it is you guys. With a size 7mm crochet hook,chain 47 Yep, that's the magic number 47 I know, I know, Bernat chunky says to use an 8mm hook, well

Wow, I can't believe I've managed to get anything done in the last few days. After experiencing a major depressive meltdown, panic attacks and developing a cold, I've been pretty much out of comish. But I somehow managed to create an extremely simple pattern for a pussy hat. So far I've had one order for plain pink, two for pink and red, one for black and grey and one pure black. I'm still not functioning quite yet, and I'm drinking too much. Being crazy is hard when you're still sane enough to know you're crazy. I honestly can't believe I survived this as a child, it's a living hell. I'm very lucky to have my hilarious family and husband. Yeah somebody actually married this crazy bitch. I wouldn't get through this without vulgar humour constantly being thrown at me. So this is one thing I still managed to do, and like all my patterns, it's deceptively simple. Pattern You will need 8mm crochet hook