Mental illness makes everything harder

Ryan is gone. Well, only for two weeks but I've never been away from him for that long, and he's so far away. I know it sounds silly and dramatic but I feel like my heart is broken right now. I can't help how I feel and I'd much rather not feel this way, but it just came on suddenly and I'm having to deal with it. It feels just like heartbreak, I can't stop crying or vomiting, I'm Just in a ball on the floor. I feel like I'm dying, it's very uncomfortable and awful feeling.
I chose to stay with my mom while he's gone, but now I just want to go home. I want him to turn around and come take me home and stay with me. I don't know why I feel like this, I'm aware that it's irrational but I still feel it. Oh the joys of mental illness, it makes everything so much harder. I know a normal person would be a bit sad, but they wouldn't feel this level of raw emotion over something so small. I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry this is all there is today, I am working on some new stuff but I'll have to put that up later. Right now all I can do is lie here and cry and barf.

Comments

Crocheting in heaven or hell?

Okay I know I said that I live in the midde of Canadian nowhere, but apparently there are nowherier places than nowhere. About a month ago Ryan got called to work out of town in a tiny little butthole town called Fort.Saint James. It's still in B.C., but it's much farther north. When he went up, I went to stay with my mom, I do better business where she lives anyways, but after a month I missed Ryan so bad I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see him, I also really needed to get laid ;) so I booked a 15 hour red eye bus up, and here and I am in a dingey, low end motel, in a town that I'm not allowed to walk around in by myself. I'm exhausted, there was too many weirdos on the bus for me to relax, I slept only about 2 hours(with one eye opened) and once I got off the bus in prince George, Ryan picked me up, and it was another 2 hour drive to Fort.Saint James. I know it sounds awful, but tbh I've been here for two days and I'm really enjoying the alone time,

Crochet Chunky Men's Hat

About a month ago I made myself and my husband matching hats, I got some new Bernat Chunky yarn and wanted to play with it because I'm a giant dork. So hats it was, we needed some anyways. It doesn't get as cold here as most of the rest of Canada, maybe -8 c at the absolute lowest and only at night, still nice to have winter hats though. Well my husband(Ryan) is obsessed with his, he never takes it off. It's already worn down and looks a million years old because he wears it at work all day. But in all fairness, he looks a million years old to so..... The originals Today Ryan came home and said his boss has been bugging him for a hat like his, and since I'm FUCKING AMAZING I obliged. I wanted to return some of the blue softee chunky yarn I had bought the day before anyways because it turns out I hate it, oops. So I went and exchanged it for grey(the only good mens colour they had) and got straight to work. I absolutely love this hat, it only takes abou

Crochet and Tasteless Humour

Search This Blog