Ryan is gone. Well, only for two weeks but I've never been away from him for that long, and he's so far away. I know it sounds silly and dramatic but I feel like my heart is broken right now. I can't help how I feel and I'd much rather not feel this way, but it just came on suddenly and I'm having to deal with it. It feels just like heartbreak, I can't stop crying or vomiting, I'm Just in a ball on the floor. I feel like I'm dying, it's very uncomfortable and awful feeling.
I chose to stay with my mom while he's gone, but now I just want to go home. I want him to turn around and come take me home and stay with me. I don't know why I feel like this, I'm aware that it's irrational but I still feel it. Oh the joys of mental illness, it makes everything so much harder. I know a normal person would be a bit sad, but they wouldn't feel this level of raw emotion over something so small. I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry this is all there is today, I am working on some new stuff but I'll have to put that up later. Right now all I can do is lie here and cry and barf.
I chose to stay with my mom while he's gone, but now I just want to go home. I want him to turn around and come take me home and stay with me. I don't know why I feel like this, I'm aware that it's irrational but I still feel it. Oh the joys of mental illness, it makes everything so much harder. I know a normal person would be a bit sad, but they wouldn't feel this level of raw emotion over something so small. I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry this is all there is today, I am working on some new stuff but I'll have to put that up later. Right now all I can do is lie here and cry and barf.
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