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Off ssris for one whole week!

DAY 4.
                 Late last night and this morning I had really bad depression, I haven't had  bad depression in years, it was horrible. Luckily by the time my coffee was done this morning, it was gone. I realised at one point last night, about midnight, that I had been staring at a blank wall for over an hour just thinking irrationally about every bad thing that's ever happened to me, it was bad.  But like I said, I feel better today.
               It was a beautiful, sunny day today. Today is April 28th and we're finally starting to get some decent weather without rain about half the time. I live in B.C. so it's basically the same weather as the pacific northwest, so lots of rain and wet air most of the year. Since it was such a nice day, I went for a long walk, and listened to silly pop music because Taylor Swift and Justin Beiber might be lame, but that music improves my mood so....
               Also I made a hat today, even though I'm having constant brain zaps and vertigo. I can handle the shitty physical symptoms, it's the depression and anxiety I can't handle.
BORING ASS HAT FOR A TODDLER


                 I don't know anyone with babies, I just made it because I needed something to focus on other than the brain zaps. I don't have a pattern for it, I just winged it. I really like the colour. Day 4 was pretty easy, I'm almost scared at how easy the withdrawals have been so far. I mean, it's shitty but I expected shitty so I'm okay with it



DAY 5
                What  the hell was I thinking? What have I done? I think I'm dying, or going crazy. I'm so nauseated and having constant diarrhea, I fucking hate feeling nausea. The tears have Started and now I don't know if they'll stop. Sometimes when I get depressed or anxious, my body will start crying and puking for like an hour, it's like my body needs to purge every bit of bad energy out of me.  I feel like i can't feel this awful for one more minute. And omg the brain zaps and dizziness are driving me crazy, I can barely walk. At least the weather matches my mood today.

ONE WEEK
              Okay I've hit the seven day mark. Last night was crazy, I had what I'm assuming is sleep apnea which I've never had before. I was sleeping on my side and I kept waking up because it's like my brain kept forgetting to breath. It happened like ever 5 minutes or so. Then I started having a nightmare about a creepy lady, like the one from the movie mama kind of, but her arms and legs were attached and she walked really low and like a crab. When I woke  up, I felt like when youre little and you get so scared, convinced something is under the bed or in the closet. I jumped up and turned on the light before my husband's robe that was hanging up could turn into a monster and get me. He got mad, I sat in the living room and made granny squares all night after that until the sun came up. 
               I'm still having just as many brain zaps, I'm still getting episodes of moderate depression throughout the day, I still feel like I'm dying. I've heard the worst part of the withdrawal takes about 3 weeks, I don't know how im gonna get through another couple weeks of this. I want to feel normal, and maybe take a shit that has actual solid pieces in it. That is my big dream right now.
               So there you have it so far, even after tapering, week one still mostly sucks. So here's hoping it gets better soon, it's hard feeling so weird like I'm stoned all the time.

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