Crochet and Tasteless Humour

    Ryan is gone. Well, only for two weeks but I've never been away from him for that long, and he's so far away. I know it sounds silly and dramatic but I feel like my heart is broken right now. I can't help how I feel and I'd much rather not feel this way, but it just came on suddenly and I'm having to deal with it. It feels just like heartbreak, I can't stop crying or vomiting, I'm Just in a ball on the floor. I feel like I'm dying, it's very uncomfortable and awful feeling.      I chose to stay with my mom while he's gone, but now I just want to go home. I want him to turn around and come take me home and stay with me. I don't know why I feel like this, I'm aware that it's irrational but I still feel it. Oh the joys of mental illness, it makes everything so much harder. I know a normal person would be a bit sad, but they wouldn't feel this level of raw emotion over something so small. I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired.

                    Okay so I haven't actually signed up for my first local craft fair yet. YET. But it's only January, the Christmas fairs are all over and I'm waiting for the first spring fair. Lately I've been so big on Bernat softee chunky yarn, I'm obsessed. I've been making these bun hats with it and also some pussy hats because those have become so popular lately. However it's dawned on me that with the next fair being a spring fair, I need to start working on some lighter stuff, so I'm putting the chunky yarn away for now and getting out some lighter stuff. I'm starting work on some necklace scarves, key chains and some lighter hats. I didn't realize how much work I need to put into this endeavour. I need product, shelves to display product, little signs, business cards, foam heads etc..... So I put in a new order at yarncanada.ca. I love them. They get every order right, they have good prices, and they give you a lollipop

            In the last week I've gone and fucked up my sleep schedule AGAIN! Ghhaaaa I'm such an idiot. So tonight I'm staying up as late as I can(probably 3-4am) and then get up early, well early for me anyways(perhaps 10am) I've been going to bed at 4am and not waking up until 1pm, not good. That is how my natural sleep schedule works, but unfortunately that's not the time the rest of the world runs on.              So here I am, alone, binge watching the X files and crocheting baby hats, while my husband sleeps peacefully in the other room, well actually he's probably talking in his sleep and fighting dream monsters like a fucking tool. Gawl sleep much? Anywho I thought since I'm bored af, I'd put some blankets I've made on here for no reason. This one is a C2C blanket I made with some discontinued baby yarn(I think it's from Bernat) it's very pretty in person, pink and blue with a metallic bit laced through it. I made it for

This adorable baby hat is not too heavy and great for spring and summer. But don't make it if you want your baby to be a total nerd because once you put this hat on your little boy or girl, they will instantly become the coolest baby on the block. So if you want you baby to get laughed at by all the other babies, then you better make a less awesome hat than this. Supplies Two colours worsted weight yarn(I used Bernat Giggles) 5mm hook Row 1. With colour A, 10 DC into magic circle Row 2. CH 2(does not count as a stitch here or through the pattern) 2 DC into each stitch around(20 DC) join with slst to top of CH 2 Row 3. CH 2, 2 DC into first stitch, 1 DC into second stitch, repeat around,slst to CH 2 Row 4. CH 2, 1 DC into first 2 stitches, 2 DC into next stitch, repeat around, join with slst Row 5. CH 2, 1 DC into each stitch around, join with slst and then fasten off Row 6. Attach colour B, CH 2 and DC in each stitch around, slst and tie off Row 7

I had so much fun making these hats yesterday and today, well not hahaha kinda fun, but it was relaxing. But then it came time to take pictures, and since I don't have another humans head to borrow, I have to be the one in the pics. That's normally fine but lately it's getting harder and harder  to get a decent pic, I look so old and tired. I used to be young and shiny, I swear 2016 aged me by like 5 years, well that and the drinking. At least the hats are gorgeous, and I'm gonna wear one out tonight, yup that's right, yours truly is actually going out. Me and Ryan are having some post dinner drinks with some friends, but since it's dry January I guess we'll be going out for some o'douls, sigh. So while I'm being forced to socialize while sober, you can make up some pretty hats too with this free pattern. See I look like I'm 1000 Supplies 8mm hook Bernat chunky yarn(about a third of a 300g skein) CH 7 Slst into th

One skein  This baby blanket is the perfect gift to make for new or soon to be parents, and here's why you guys. 1. It's fucking adorable 2. It only takes one skein of Bernat Chunky yarn so it's inexpensive  3. It's super soft and squishy 4. It's really warm so it'll shut that screaming baby's cry hole so mom and dad can actually get some damn rest 5. It's works up super fast. I actually had no intention of making this blanket, or anything for that matter, on the weekend that I created it. I was at my moms house being the perfect daughter, not swearing or being inappropriate at all I swear. No for real I swear, I was just sitting there quietly with my hands in my lap(okay fiiiiine, I was being an asshole) but you can't blame me, I was bored. Anyways Ryan had come home a couple days earlier with this yarn because he's awesome and does nice things like that. So I played with the yarn for a bit until it decided to tell me what

It's funny how the prettiest crocheted things can often turn out to be super easy to make. That's exactly the deal with this supes adorbs(yeah I just wrote that) crochet hood. It's so simple to make, it hardly even needs a proper pattern at all. That me in the pic wearing too much hood and not enough bra. This hood works up so fast, and yet it's the one thing I get requests for the most. So here's how you make it........ Using a Q hook and Chunky(6) yarn, You just make basically a tiny blanket. Measure from one shoulder to the other over your head and then chain up that length(about 28-30 inches)Then DC in 5th Chain and across. Then CH 3 and FPDC in the next 2 and then BPDC in the next two for rows 2 and 3.  Then you just DC back and forth, remembering to Ch 3 at the beginning of each row until it's big enough to drape over your whole head(about 16 inches) I used a combination of Bernat Chunky yarn and some random crap I got from dollar tre

About a month ago I made myself and my husband matching hats, I got some new Bernat Chunky yarn and wanted to play with it because I'm a giant dork. So hats it was, we needed some anyways. It doesn't get as cold here as most of the rest of Canada, maybe -8 c at the absolute lowest and only at night, still nice to have winter hats though. Well my husband(Ryan) is obsessed with his, he never takes it off. It's already worn down and looks a million years old because he wears it at work all day. But in all fairness, he looks a million years old to so..... The originals  Today Ryan came home and said his boss has been bugging him for a hat like his, and since I'm FUCKING AMAZING I obliged. I wanted to return some of the blue softee chunky yarn I had bought the day before anyways because it turns out I hate it, oops. So I went and exchanged it for grey(the only good mens colour they had) and got straight to work. I absolutely love this hat, it only takes abou

Me 😜 1. I effing love yarn 2. I also love sloths, I wish I could be one  3.I love inappropriate memes and sometimes I even make my own 4. I Have the best daughter in the world 5. My husband is a foot+2 inches taller than me, and when he sleeps he looks like a beautiful giant. 6. My siblings are not normal 7. I am an atheist and I eat babies Just kiddin 8. I drink waaaaay too much sometimes 9. I'm tiny 10. I will go out of my way to do nice things for people, and then ruin it with inappropriate jokes. 11. My hair is so long, I have to put it up so I can poop. K bye

               On the very very west coast of B.C(not D.C. I said B.C)there is a teeny tiny town in the middle of Canadian nowhere called Powell River. It's absolutely the strangest town I've ever been in, it's like Salem's lot. If you aren't from there, it feels strange, like the air is different or something. It feels like you've walked into a horror movie, this is where we live. My husband grew up here so it seems normal to him, he claims he doesn't know what I'm talking about.                Anyways, since this town is in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and it takes an hour long ferry ride, then an hour long drive, followed by a second hour long ferry ride, followed by another hour long drive to get here, we don't get much in the way of consumer goods. I guess that's just too much boredom for any sane trucker/shipper. We have a Walmart and it is the Worst.Walmart.Ever. Since it's so far from the actual real world, all we get is the stuff

               About a year and a half ago, my daughter Maddy(8 yo at the time) got a rainbow loom as a gift.  She thought it was the best toy ever, not only because it was bright and fun, but also because I became instantly addicted to it, which meant that mommy would actually ignore the housework for a while and sit down and play with her for as long as she wanted. As a left handed(and not ver coordinated) person, I always found crafts harder to learn than my right handed counterparts, so I generally didn't bother. For some reason the rainbow loom just made sense to me and i spent hours with Maddy making bracelets. Maddy with her favorite bracelets                  I have a lot of mental health issues, and have had for as long as I can remember(this ties in I promise) I have what's called pure O, which is a type of OCD and social anxiety. I am properly medicated  but the meds only help about 50% so I occasionally would turn to drinking to self medicate. Howe