Crochet and Tasteless Humour

 DAY 2.                OMG WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Why have I done this to myself? I opened hell's door today, dizzy, brain zaps every time I blink or move my head. I've had diarrhea aalllllll day, nauseated, and the worst of all, I feel like I'm not real. I feel like I've gone insane, I can't think straight at all and I'm out of wine :(             I know there is reasons for going through this, but it's gonna suck so bad.          It actually feels like the way it feels if you smoke too much weed or hash and you get too high, you cant think and you freak out, you know you aren't going to die cause it's weed and it non toxic, but it's really freaky and scary and uncomfortable. I've never tried any other drugs, but I would say, based on personal experience, that's pretty close to what I feel like right now, except I feel like that ALL. DAMN. DAY.             ...

               This is going to be a detour from a solely crocheting blog for about a month(there will still be some though, don't worry) Today is day 1 without any Lexapro. In the last few months I have gone from 20mg to 2.5mg, the only major side effect during that time was fatigue and anger. However I have come off an SSRI twice before, Zoloft when I was 13 and Paxil when I was 27, and I know that it's once you quit the last bit,thats when the real withdrawals start. I see a ton of people online asking about withdrawals and also weight issues, so I though this way, anyone thinking about quitting can read this and get some damn answers for once.                 I went on Lexapro about 2 years ago for anxiety and I also have a type of OCD called pure O. The problem is that ssris do two very bad things to me, they make me crave food and alcohol so badly that it's not even really a craving, I can't say no, a...

       The best thing about having a blog that I don't get paid for, is that I can come and go as I please, and if nobody reads it that's cool too. It's been a month or so since I posted cause I do what I damn well please And I'm a die hard badass ;) I almost never take crochet breaks, but I just took a month off just because I can, I did nothing except one row a day on my temperature blanket(I will post about that very soon)       I've been messing with my meds a bit, ssris make me fat and lazy so I try to stay off of them as often as possible, once I hit 125-130lbs that's it, I'm coming off. So I'm slowly tapering the Lexapro and increasing the wellbutrin. Good bye muffin top, hello crippling anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Fun.       That aside, I maded this here baby skull cap, cause who says babies can only wear pink and blue?       Isn't it adorable? I don't know if this means I'm back in the game again or...

Okay I know I said that I live in the midde of Canadian nowhere, but apparently there are nowherier places than nowhere. About a month ago Ryan got called to work out of town in a tiny little butthole town called Fort.Saint James. It's still in B.C., but it's much farther north. When he went up, I went to stay with my mom, I do better business where she lives anyways, but after a month I missed Ryan so bad I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see him, I also really needed to get laid ;) so I booked a 15 hour red eye bus up, and here and  I am in a dingey, low end motel, in a town that I'm not allowed to walk around in by myself. I'm exhausted, there was too many weirdos on the bus for me to relax, I slept only about 2 hours(with one eye opened) and once I got off the bus in prince George, Ryan picked me up, and it was another 2 hour drive to Fort.Saint James. I know it sounds awful, but tbh I've been here for two days and I'm really enjoying the alone time,...

Fact 1: My husband is working out of town right now, in ft. Saint James. I thought I was gonna get to go see him this weekend but there's way too much snow to drive way up north, so I'm dickered. Fact 2: My sister is probably the most gorgeous woman I've ever met. She is a body builder, she has beautiful hair and her makeup is always different and perfect. Fact 3: I just drank a bunch of my moms secret freezer vodka and I am lit af.             Anyways I've been getting order after order for pussy hats, international women's day is in sight after all. But I've had the worst time figuring out sizes for the brims. I've frogged half of my work lately, good thing I'm patient. So I came up with a perfect brim for adult women's hats made with Bernat Chunky, or any size 6 chunky yarn. So here it is you guys. With a size 7mm crochet hook,chain 47 Yep, that's the magic number 47 I know, I know, Bernat chunky says to use an 8mm hook, well ...

Wow, I can't believe I've managed to get anything done in the last few days. After experiencing a major depressive meltdown, panic attacks and developing a cold, I've been pretty much out of comish. But I somehow managed to create an extremely simple pattern for a pussy hat. So far I've had one order for plain pink, two for pink and red, one for black and grey and one pure black. I'm still not functioning quite yet, and I'm drinking too much. Being crazy is hard when you're still sane enough to know you're crazy. I honestly can't believe I survived this as a child, it's a living hell. I'm very lucky to have my hilarious family and husband. Yeah somebody actually married this crazy bitch. I wouldn't get through this without vulgar humour constantly being thrown at me. So this is one thing I still managed to do, and like all my patterns, it's deceptively simple. Pattern You will need 8mm crochet hook ...

    Ryan is gone. Well, only for two weeks but I've never been away from him for that long, and he's so far away. I know it sounds silly and dramatic but I feel like my heart is broken right now. I can't help how I feel and I'd much rather not feel this way, but it just came on suddenly and I'm having to deal with it. It feels just like heartbreak, I can't stop crying or vomiting, I'm Just in a ball on the floor. I feel like I'm dying, it's very uncomfortable and awful feeling.      I chose to stay with my mom while he's gone, but now I just want to go home. I want him to turn around and come take me home and stay with me. I don't know why I feel like this, I'm aware that it's irrational but I still feel it. Oh the joys of mental illness, it makes everything so much harder. I know a normal person would be a bit sad, but they wouldn't feel this level of raw emotion over something so small. I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired. ...